Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
