His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
