I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
pop tarts are not kleenex
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Panties = found
Randomize
