i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm at about main and main street
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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