you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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