Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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