what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
