woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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