Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
