Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
