this just has baby written all over it
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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