no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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