i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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