It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
