this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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