does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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