I want to stick my p in your. b.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
