That's intense
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
