I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
