I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
