For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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