soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
