yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
