Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
