well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
