2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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