How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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