When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
