Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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