Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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