he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
