I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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