I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
