i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
