Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
