i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
