in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
