That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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