Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
