It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
