hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
