i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just invented taco cereal.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
