party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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