Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
