I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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