the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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