I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
