hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
