i permit you to call me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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