Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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