she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
