i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
