I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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