Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
