Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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