you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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