i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
