Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The air was thick with penises
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
