i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
