erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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