he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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