I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
