You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
