I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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