You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
