I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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