There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door