i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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