Texts From Last Night

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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior

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  (608): Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior http://tfl.nu/44hw
  Replies (6) Good night (4010) Bad night (829)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.

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  (407): I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up. http://tfl.nu/laen
  Replies (13) Good night (3595) Bad night (906)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?

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  (253): is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator? http://tfl.nu/votk
  Replies (50) Good night (1760) Bad night (8836)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing

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  (302): Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing http://tfl.nu/ldmu
  Replies (16) Good night (1180) Bad night (4437)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this

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  (604): fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this http://tfl.nu/yh2h
  Replies (10) Good night (4877) Bad night (1316)
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  (716): View more from New York

  right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable

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  (716): right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable http://tfl.nu/dvma
  Replies (14) Good night (6235) Bad night (1199)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.

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  (336): I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm. http://tfl.nu/32ib
  Replies (5) Good night (1012) Bad night (5288)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...

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  (320): Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting... http://tfl.nu/4ynh
  Replies (23) Good night (2069) Bad night (5472)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"

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  (352): She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?" http://tfl.nu/uzh1
  Replies (16) Good night (2017) Bad night (5046)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other

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  (401): We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other http://tfl.nu/z80n
  Replies (14) Good night (1820) Bad night (4355)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.

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  (715): How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it. http://tfl.nu/19iz
  Replies (13) Good night (789) Bad night (1858)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.

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  (702): Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism. http://tfl.nu/d72k
  Replies (1) Good night (1720) Bad night (521)
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  (323): View more from California

  Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...

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  (323): Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow... http://tfl.nu/iqf2
  Replies (5) Good night (1342) Bad night (400)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything

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  (610): I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything http://tfl.nu/3wxq
  Replies (0) Good night (397) Bad night (519)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?

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  (716): I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there? http://tfl.nu/ou0k
  Replies (4) Good night (279) Bad night (644)

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