I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.