Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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