I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I skipped work to stalk him.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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