you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Come on in and take your pants off
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