I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
