direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
