We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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