I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
