the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
