My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
