He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
