i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
