Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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