I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
