I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
