frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
