even my farts smell like vagina
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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