found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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